Defenseload

Mondayphobia

Mondayphobia

Why did it take me several weeks to follow the exciting (and secret!) invitation to join this blog? Because Im a professional procrastinator, of course. I dont think that this is a big secret in academia, but I have to confess that I make considerable efforts on a daily basis to hide my true nature from the vultures circulating over my head, the most voracious of all being my bad conscience (this is where faking your own death doesnt come in handy, dear Scarlet, since youll always know your own whereabouts...so if anyone has an idea on how to hide from oneself without the use of psychotropics, please share it with me!). The vultures are always particularly aggressive on Mondays. I hate Mondays! Every time a Monday comes around, I feel like some evil troll is holding a mirror up to me, asking me in a gnarly voice: "So, are you proud of yourself now, Wisteria?" The arrival of any given Monday is a proof of my failure to fight procrastination. Heres a recent (er, ongoing) example:

• Nice flattering letter from big name journal on June 3: "Dear Dr. Wisteria, were asking for your expert opinion" etc. etc. "To allow for a speedy turnaround, please submit the review by July 20."
• Thinks Wisteria: Piece of cake! Thats, what, 3 or 4 months from now. I have plenty of time to squeeze that in. Forgotten is my past experience in which I started suffering from cold sweats, pulsing headache, mild to severe nausea according to the degree of menace in the tone of the once sympathetic editor the further the due date disappeared in the past (but, unfortunately, never went away). So merrily I reply with an enthusiastic "Yeah sure!"
• On July 13 I find a polite reminder email in my inbox. There still is plenty of time. However, I can now start using the pending review as an excuse for other tasks to be queued. As in: "Im awfully sorry, but I cant do xyz because Im working on this review".
  
• On July 20 I find a polite reminder email in my inbox. Thats right, the review. I understand, I understand. Dont rub it in my face: "The review is now due". But today is Thursday, and thats almost Friday, right? And Friday is the beginning of the weekend. What editor in their right mind would make a fuss over a tiny little weekend extension? Mondays as good as ever. So I grant myself a tiny little weekend extension. This means that I have ALL WEEKEND to read the paper and write the stupid review.
• On July 24 something terrible happens: Its Monday. I havent started reading the paper, and the week tumbles upon me with a million distractions.

Im going to spare you the details of all the torments Ive gone through, but today is Monday again, two weeks later, and no progress has been made. Am I the only one who suffers particularly on Mondays? Are there self-help groups that deal with this kind of issues? Could one solution be to just abolish Mondays? Or rename them?

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